I am a 40 year old single mother who has suffered severe depression for nearly twenty years. This is a story of my life. It is a painful recollection of all the things in the past that have hurt me, left me wounded, and, in the end, has made me the person that I am today. There may be incidents from life’s experience that are traumatic and may be hard for your to read. I wanted to present a picture to you of what my life has been like for the last twenty years. But with respect to the reader, I tried not to put too much graphic detail into it.

For me, depression has been a debilitating disease. It is not like cancer, or any other disease that you will encounter. It is complex and hard to understand, or even to deal with. It has caused problems within my family. I have hurt those closest to me. It was not out of pure intent. Nonetheless, the pain is real and is always there. I can’t take it away. Nor can I take back some of the things I have done in my life. For you cannot go back and change history.

I can only learn from my mistakes and hope that I never repeat them.

Today, I rely on the Word of God and prayer in my life. I can’t say that I have always done that. But what I can say is this: I put space between me and God because I was angry with Him. I lived in the darkness of sin and depression for so long that it nearly took my life.

I wanted to die rather than live through the things I were enduring. I was weak and nothing mattered to me. Not even my own family. And for this I am truly and deeply sorry. For nothing is worth causing them such grief.

But I have learned that life is not so bleak and bitter if you have God in your life and you truly believe on Him. Yes, I still have my trials and tribulations. Everyone will have them, but I have come back to God. I have placed my life in His capable hands. I find strength and endurance by reading scriptures from the Bible and from doing daily devotions each and every morning. I also include prayer in my studies.

I must say, that though I’ve been a Christian since the age of 15, I am just now learning what it is to be a Christian.

I have learned so much the last two years, that I find it totally incredible. I can talk with God, and have a real relationship with him. Yes, I still get angry with Him, but I have learned to talk to Him just as if her were my very own father. I can tell him how I feel and this lifts a burden from my shoulders. This is important now, because I am going through a very hard time in my personal life. You will find out the details later on in this story. But I can count on God for everything.

This was made possible by the presence of a good friend in my life named Christen. For the last two years she has been my tutor, my mentor, teaching me everything I need to know about faith and Christianity. I know that God was responsible for placing her in my life. He had a plan went he sent her to my neighborhood. She has helped me tremendously.

Now I want to teach other women how they too can rely on God for everything they need. Including their own happiness.

Currently I am not taking any medications for my depression and I am 90% happier than I’ve ever been in the last twenty years. I know it is because I have opened my heart to Christ again, and allowed him back into my life.

I do not recommend this for everyone. If you are depressed and taking medications, please continue taking them and do not let this book keep you from taking them. Medications are good for you, to keep you stable. I had no choice in discontinuing my medications. I do not have insurance and had applied for patient assistance, but was denied from the program because my monthly income exceeded their limits. I cannot afford the medications on my own.

This is first in a series of books that I intend to write in connection with my web site: A Rose Among Thorns, http://a-rose-among-thorns.tripod.com. The reason I named my web site A Rose Among Thorns, is because my mother always called me her Rose and I have suffered many thorns in my side.

A Rose Among Thorns is a Christian-based support group for women. Its mission is as listed as follows: To give women courage, hope, inspiration, encouragement, and help them to build faith in the Lord.

This web site is for any one who desires to enrich her life. It’s main focus is to help restore a woman’s self-confidence, help her to gain wisdom so that she can make sound decisions that will not only enhance her life, but improve it as well. It will assist her and help her in all areas of her life. From relationships, to children and family, to jobs, her walk with Christ, and so much more.

Where she is weak, she will grow strong. Where she lacks drive and determination, she will find motivation. Where she grows despondent, she will find encouragement. Where she feels hopeless, she will discover that she is worthy. Where she feels helpless, she will be lifted up in spirit.

As I said earlier, I have not always lived for Christ. I have made so many dreadful mistakes in my life. Some that have been painful, not only physically, but mentally as well. I sunk so far down into depression, I thought the only way out was suicide.

I have since learned that isn’t true. I found that I had a tremendous support team right at my fingertips, if only I had been willing to reach out to any one of them. I had my family, my church friends, and my neighbors all willing to help me. I received a remarkable amount of support after my suicide attempt. I now regret having made that choice in life. It not only hurt my mother, it has left her with a constant fear that I will try it again.

I feel that each and everyone of us needs support. We may not need it every day, or every week, or even every month. But the thing is, at some point in our lives, life will seem unbearable. Everything will hit us all at once. We will face adversity. We will grow weak with doubts, fears, and worries. And when that happens, it will be nice to know that we have a support group that knows what we are going through. Someone who will never judge us, but inspire us and encourage us. Someone that will share her experience and offer valuable advice that could change our lives for the better.

A Rose Among Thorns concentrates on four areas that affect our lives and can make us grow apart from God. Those four areas are: Depression and Suicide, Drugs and Alcohol, Rape and Domestic Violence, and Pregnancy and Abortion.

My mission is this: To give women courage to believe in themselves, hope that there will always be a tomorrow, inspire them to be the best mother, daughter, sister, friend they can be, encourage them to live their dreams, and give them a new Faith that will never leave them.

My series of books will be directed on the four topics listed above. But my books will focus on regaining your spirituality and living a life that is pleasing not only to yourself, but to God as well. You will find scriptures quoted directly from the Bible, daily devotions, and plenty of prayer that will encourage, inspire, and lend strength and endurance to your every day life.

Look for my books titled:

Depression and Suicide: Stepping out of the Darkness

Drugs and Alcohol: Breaking the Cycle

Rape and Domestic Violence: Freeing Yourself from the Bondage

Pregnancy and Abortion: A Cry to Live

I hope that each one of these books will set you free from the prison of pain and suffering that you or your loved one has had to endure. In the process, I hope that you will come to know Christ as I know Him, as your personal Savior.

We all need Christ and we cannot live without Him. To live without Him is to spend and eternity in Hell.

I will also be writing books geared toward Christian Romance. Look for my titles:

Tomorrow’s Dream - After two years of solitude after the death of her only son, Callie Martin is ready to go back to work. Even if it was clear across the country in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. She hadn’t known what to expect, but the minute she arrived she was met with hostility. Hostility from a man name Rus Lane.

The Iris and the Rose- Rose Elizabeth McKenna is driven by the need to succeed and haunted by memories of her childhood. A late night call on a stormy night sends her world spiraling into mystery and suspense.

I will say this: because these experiences I had were so tremendous, God was afraid I might be puffed up by them; so I was given a physical condition which has been a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to hurt and bother me, and prick my pride. Three different times I begged God to make me well again.

Each time he said, "No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people." Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities. Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite happy about "the thorn," and about insults and hardships, persecutions and difficulties; for when I am weak, then I am strong - the less I have, the more I depend on him.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Many times I have wondered, "Why me Lord? Why did you give me this horrible disease?" I still don’t have an answer. You see, I have suffered tremendously with bouts of depression and constant suicidal thoughts for twenty years. I even tried to take my own life once, but God kept me alive. I believe it is for two reasons. One, I believe, is to reach out to others who are suffering as I am so that they can admit they have a problem and begin to get help for it. Two, and the main reason being, God wants me to help show you the road to "Salvation". He wants me to help you to understand more about Him, so that you, to, will come to know Him as your Savior in Christ. I love God enough to follow His command. I want to spread The Word. I want to make Him known. Having Christ in my life has been the greatest joy. I have found peace instead of constant conflict and turmoil. It has turned my life around. He can turn your life around to.

Lord,

I have prayed and prayed, it seems forever, yet, I am unhealed from this sickness that claims my mind and controls every part of me. I know that You are with me and I thank You for that. And I will continue to pray to You until I breathe no more. Please give me the strength I need to endure this illness for I cannot do it alone. I know that all things are possible through You. So today I give you my trust and my life, that you will take care of me and guide me down the path you have chosen for me even before the day I was born.

Amen!