Sometimes things happen because of our own stupidity. Back when I was young, I never cared much about my future, or where I would end up. I didn’t care to go to college and get my degree. I didn’t have much drive or ambition. I just went directly to work instead. I have since come to learn, this was not only the first, but the worst mistake, in a full line of mistakes that I have made in my life.

One of the first jobs I held was at a car dealership. I didn’t work there very long. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t worked there at all. This would become the second mistake I would come to make. One that would have devastating effects on me for a long time.

I don’t remember how long I worked at Leland Lincoln Mercury, but I made friends there very easily. One of those friend’s was a lady named Jerry. She was married and some years older than my nineteen years. But she liked me and I liked her. We talked about traveling and other things that were of mutual interest to the both of us. I trusted her and her judgment of character.

After having known her for several months, she introduced me to a friend of hers. His name was Don. Of course he was much older, but took an instant liking to me. He started coming to the office just to talk to me. I was young and naive, but was very flattered that he would take an interest in someone like me.

I have never had much self-confidence, nor do I think I am all that pretty. I look at myself sometimes and wonder, "What could anyone ever see in me?" I have often wondered why God has placed so many rotten men in my life. But I have since come to the conclusion that it wasn’t God, that had put them there, it was Satan. I suppose that men pick up on this perception I have of myself and my low self-esteem and that is why I have had such bad luck with them in the past. I suppose it is why I should avoid them in the future.

Any way, Don and I finally went out on our first date. As I have said, I have not always lived for God. Don and I went out to a club. I don’t even remember the name of this club. But we sat around a table with a few of his friends. I don’t even remember their names or their faces any more. But I will never forget this particular night.

I can’t tell you how much beer Don drank, or even how much I drank that night. I am sure, however, that I drank far less than he and his friends did. But I was having a good time. I enjoyed being with Don and his friends. During the time we spent together, I never gave much thought to what would happen once the evening was over. I had trust in Don. I never thought he would ever hurt me in any way.

When it got time for us to leave, I said good-bye to the men and went out to Don’s van. I already knew a lot about Don. I knew he was a fisherman and that he used his van to sleep in when he went on weekend fishing trips. That never bothered me either.

Now that I look upon this event, I see, how really stupid I was. How innocent and naive I was. All the clues were warning me this was dangerous. But I was ignoring them.

Any way, once Don and I were inside the van, he reached over and kissed me. I had been kissed before so this did not take me by surprise. The kiss was long and hard. He began to touch me and he made it clear what his intentions were. The kiss grew more passionate. I became scared and tried to stop it.

I tried to push his hands away, but this only caused him to get irritated. I told him I wasn’t interested in going further than a kiss. But he wouldn’t accept that.

His kisses became a little rougher. I was terrified by then. I told him over and over again, no. He wouldn’t listen and grew frustrated. I had never experienced anything like this and I couldn’t think what to do.

Finally I had gotten Don so angry and frustrated he grabbed me by the hair at the back of my neck and threw me into the back of his van which was equipped with a mattress for those out of town trips.

This time I knew I was in over my head. My heart leapt into my throat. I couldn’t breathe. I knew I was going to be raped and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I began to cry as my pants and under things were savagely ripped from my body.

Over and over again I pleaded with him to stop. But by then he was angry with me he could not be reasoned with. He thrust me on my belly, buried my face in the mattress so he could not hear me cry, then he proceeded to rape me.

I felt the burning of every thrust. I felt the tearing of my insides. I prayed for it to end quickly. But even as I prayed, I was further humiliated as his three friends opened the back of the van and watched as I was violated. They laughed and thought it hilariously funny.

I continued to see Don, even after that horrible experience, because I was afraid of him. But it didn’t last long after that. The simple touch of his hand would make me wretch in shame. I couldn’t eat because my stomach was always tied up in knots.

I finally told him I didn’t want to see him again. He took it better than I ever expected him to.

I never told my family what happened. I didn’t tell anyone for nearly ten years. I never have prayed about that night, even today, as I write this, I have never sat down with God, and asked him for forgiveness, or for healing, or for anything related to that incident.

I was told a few months ago, by a psychologist that I was seeing at the time, that keeping something bottled up inside can destroy a person. It can lead them into depression and make them miserable.

So today, when I pray, I will speak to God and ask him for release of this "thorn" that I have been holding onto relentlessly. I will ask him for forgiveness for the part I had in it, and for healing, so that I no longer carry any pain, or shame within me. I want to be free of this past hurt. I no longer want it to be a part of me. Instead, I want to know the joys that Christ has waiting for me.

If you have a "thorn" in your life that you are holding on to, find the courage today to ask God to release you from its power. Ask Him to make it weak, and you stronger, that you will find healing within yourself. Let go of your pain and suffering. You no longer need to hold on to the past when Christ has your future all planned out.

I can never stop thanking God for all the wonderful gifts he has given you, now that you are Christ’s: he has enriched your whole life. He has helped you speak out for him and has given you a full understanding of the truth; what I told you Christ could do for you has happened. Now you have every grace and blessing; every spiritual gift and power for doing his will are yours during this time of waiting for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ. And he guarantees right up to the end that you will be counted free from all sin and guilt on that day when he returns.

1 Cornthians 1:4-8

I cannot explain why God let’s bad things happen to good people. Women all over the world are raped every day. Rape is a crime of violence. It robs us of our innocence and purity. It steals our self-esteem, our pride. It makes us weak with grief and shame. But we must understand that it isn’t our fault. We play no part in it. However, we must live with the penalty of it every day. Remind yourself today, that you did not ask to be violated. Remove the guilt from your mind. Wash away the tears by asking God to absolve any feelings and emotions you have trapped inside your mind and body. Go to the Word today, and find the scriptures that can bring peace and comfort to your soul. Then spend time in prayer, speaking to God, confessing your true feelings. Then never think of the past again. Keep it from slipping back into your thoughts. Then move on with the rest of your life.

Dear God,

I come to you today, with a "thorn" in my side. I have suffered at the hands of someone else, Lord. I did not wish for this to happen, yet it did. I come today to ask you to help me. I feel angry and guilty. I feel shameful. I know I didn’t want any part of this plan. But I am paying the price for it. Please wipe out the memory of this event, and provide healing, comfort and encouragement with Your Word.

Amen!