I come from an average, middle-class family. My parents were wonderful as I was growing up and still are. I am the middle of seven children. I have many fond memories of adolescence. Sometimes I wish I were little again, reliving some of the happier moments of my life.

I remember traveling around Texas and Arkansas as a child and camping out under the stars. I remember the huge breakfasts my mother would cook for us on the Coleman stove that my dad had bought along with us. I remember sitting around at night, with a lantern as our only means of light, and listening to the chirping of the crickets, the croaking of the frogs, and the hiss of the locust.

These times with my family were special. Just being together with them was a joy and a blessing, though I couldn’t really see it at the time. And I miss those times tremendously. As we have all grown up and gone our separate ways, things just don’t seem the same any more. Even the holidays have changed.

But mostly I miss those times because I have changed. I am no longer the same person that I used to be. My life is marked with much tragedy. Things have happened to me that I have only recently begun to talk about. These things I have kept hidden inside, have been a "thorn" in my side for so many years causing such pain and destruction.

Every one in my family is now married except me. Each of my siblings must divide their time between two families during the holidays. It is hard to get all of us together at one time.

It is sometimes difficult for me to relax and feel comfortable with my brothers and sisters because they all have their own husbands or wives, while I have no one.

It isn’t because my brothers and sisters don’t try to communicate with me. It is just the opposite. I love each one of them. They are good to me. They accept me for who I am and for what I am.

I know that we have not always seen eye to eye. And I take most or all of the blame there. I have not always been the easiest person to understand or to get along with. My depression can make a mess of those times that normally would be happy and joyous for everyone. And, to me, it seems that the holidays are always my worst times. I always cry, it seems, for no reason at all. But that’s how depression is. It comes and goes without warning. You never know when it will strike. And it always strikes at the worst times. But it is not something that I can control, even though people would like to believe that it is.

I became a Christian at the age of fifteen or sixteen. I can’t remember the exact age. We were having a week-long revival at our church. I was attending with my friend Charlotte and her sister, Velvet. I remember listening closely to everything that was said that week. It all made such an impact on me and I so desperately wanted to accept Christ as my Savior. But one thing was holding me back. Fear.

I remember looking into Charlotte’s face, my eyes begging her to help me walk down the isle of that church and ask Christ to come into my life. But it took me some time to finally convince myself to forget my fears and do it.

But I did, eventually. The preacher came to my house and talked with me and my parents, wanting to make absolutely sure this is what I wanted to do. And I said, "Yes, without a doubt." I knew this was the right thing for me. Or for anyone like me.

Yes, Christ is for everyone who chooses to make Him a part of their life. I don’t know why anyone would openly chooses not to want any part of Him. He is awesome, mighty, and powerful. He can work miracles. He can heal the sick, provide food for the poor, and assist you through the most troublesome times in your life.

I know, I have been witness to so many miracles. You will be amazed at some of the things I have endured in my lifetime and have lived to talk about them.

I know that God has lifted me out of my despair. He has been there through some of the worst times in my life even though I had turned my back on him in anger because I did not understand my disease, or why I had it.

I now regret the time I lost with Christ. I am sorry that I allowed my anger to separate myself from Him. I wish I could go back and redo everything. But I can’t. But neither can I dwell on those lost moments. I can only build a better relationship with Christ from this day forward by reading in the Word of God, and by praying and giving my life over to Him with complete Faith and Trust. Also by spreading his Word and helping others to come to know Him as I do.

I know, in my heart, that God is in control. I know that He is working in my life. My faith sometimes wants to slip when things don’t go exactly as I planned them. I get frustrated, discouraged, even saddened. Those emotions don’t just go away because you have a relationship with God. But with Him, you are better prepared to deal with them. He gives you the strength and wisdom to overcome these negative feelings before they cause sin to come into your life.

I find now that I have God in my life, I am not so angry anymore. I have found a new peace and joy that transcends anything else I have ever known. It is like I am living a new life. It’s hard to explain, unless you have had a similar experience. But it is as if I have been rejuvenated.

Everyone has begun to notice. My daughter, my friends, even my very own mother. It is a good feeling for me. And I want to spread the Word. I want everyone to know what a difference Christ is making in my life today.

I can’t say that I have always lived my life according to Christ. That would be a lie. But because I put my faith in God on the back burner and chose to live my life according to my will instead of His, I have suffered through some horrible experiences. And I blame that on myself. It was God’s punishment for my sins, my transgressions that these things occurred in my life.

But now, I want to live a life that’s "Right With God." I want to know that when I die I will spend an eternity in Heaven.

The Father has life in himself, and has granted his Son to have life in himself, and to judge the sins of all mankind because he is the Son of Man. Don’t be so surprised! Indeed the time is coming when all the dead in their graves shall hear the voice of God’s Son, and shall rise again - those who have done good, to eternal life; and those who have continued in evil, to judgment.

John 5:26-29

Devotion:

It is true that when we die, we have two choices: Heaven or Hell. I’d much prefer to live in Heaven where there is only peace, joy, and endless love. Heaven is a place untouched by pain, sorrow, or conflict. It is a place where everyone will love each other. There will be no strife among neighbors. We will all be God’s children and we will no longer feel sadness, or hunger, or humiliation of any kind. God has my place waiting for me. Does He have yours? I hope so, because I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to be condemned to a life of Hell. Hell is a place of eternal flame. The fire never stops breathing. You will burn for the rest of your life. There will be no pleasure, no joy, only discomfort. There will be constant suffering. So I warn you today, get your life in order. Take a good, hard look at the way you have been living. Is it "Right With God"? If not, start right away learning how you can make it right with God and how you can come to know Him as your personal Savior.

Lord,

I know I haven’t been living a life that is right with You. Show me how I might do that. I want to put all my trust in You as my Savior. I want to know that I will spend an eternity in Heaven where there is no pain or suffering. I want to know that you have a place assigned to me and waiting for me.

Amen!