A Rose Among Thorns

In The Face of Despair Part III

Home | On Angels Wings | My Testimony | My Battle with Breast Cancer | Cancer Information Center | My Ministry | My Battle With Depression | My Spiritual and Inspirational Corner | My Cancer Support Group and Prayer Requests | Contact Me | About Me | Women's Topics

You have learned that I suffered abuse and grief and the loss of a job.  But I have prevailed through it all.
God has played a major part in my life.  He has always been there for me.  But I have not always paid him much mind.  In fact, I have spent many hours and months and even years being angry with him.  I was angry with him for giving me depression, for taking away the life of my child.  But he gives you things in return.
I want to go back to my job at Voest Alpine Intertrading USA.  I started having trouble there some time before I left the job.  Because of my Bipolar Disorder, I was contantly depressed, and unable to function with my job.  My mind would often slip and it was hard for me to stay focused.  I would sometimes have panic attacks.  I was always edgy going into work and having to face my supervisor.
Eventually I would have a nervous breakdown which lead me into the hospital for four days.  At first everyone was compassionate and understanding.  Nothing was ever said about the event.  But as time progressed on, things did not improve, but only got worse.
Things fell apart when I became ill and had to be put in the hospital for another reason.
I had started having pain in my lower back.  I went to see a doctor on two occasions but he could not find anything wrong with me.  Then one night I woke up with the worst pain of my life.  I was sick to my stomach and wreched a few times.  I knew then I was having a kidney stone.  So I got my daughter out of bed, called my parents twice, but could not reach them.
I ended up taking my daughter to my neighbors and drove myself to the hospital.  After an X-ray, it was determined that I had a rather large stone that had been blocking the exit from the kidney.
The doctor attempted to move the stone and crush it, but when he did, the kidney had been so badly deteriorated and poison from the kidney went into my lungs and heart, nearly causing me to die. 
They awoke me from the surgey and said they could not get my temperature under a 105.  My chest was on fire.  I told them I could not breathe.  The doctor ordered a chest X-ray to find out that I had pneumonia.  There was something wrong with my heart, but I never understood what.  I had to take massive volumes of antibiotics for the infection in my lungs and potassium for the heart.
I was in the hospital for 11 days.  The doctor said, I was a miracle, that he didn't think I was going to walk out of that  hospital.  But I did.
I was forced to return to work immediately.  Things there were strained with me and my boss.  She was often irritated and disappointed with me.  She made me feel inadequate and unsure of myself.  I grew to hate myself, but also the job.
I ended up leaving the job in January 2001.
I would then go to work for Shell Oil Products US through Primary Services .  This would prove to be a mistake of a lifetime.  Read part IV for what happens next in my life.

In The Face of Despair Part IV

Powered By Ringsurf