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![]() A Rose Among Thorns Rape and Domestic Violence |
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Literature & Brochures on Rape & Domestic Violence |
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![]() Powered By Ringsurf |
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by: Jeffrey M. Miller
How can the life of one man be changed by one woman - a woman he doesn't know - one he had accidently encountered in a
fast food restaurant nearly two decades ago? How can meeting and listening to her speak for less than an hour, forever change
the way he thought about and taught women's self defense and rape prevention? Let me tell you.
Susan's Story: One Woman's Story That Changed My Life (part 1) I, like most men, had grown up in an era, much like those
of the decades before, that collectively believed that women who were raped: 1) Were never really raped at all. Instead they
were mad at their boyfriend or "some-guy" for whatever reason and were using this as a weapon to "get him in trouble." Or,
worse yet, 2) Were "asking for it" because of they way they dressed, talked, or presented themselves.
As for the first belief, I believe that this may happen occasionally. However, one would have to be living in a cultural
vaccuum to believe that this is the reason that a six year old tells that she was "touched and now it hurts," or the nun who
is found battered and bruised who reports that a she was sexually assaulted by a seventeen year old. And the second belief?
Can you imagine the burglar sitting in court and saying, "Your honor, honestly, I mean the way that TV was placed in that
display window, all sleak and shiny and with such a fine picture tube and all - I mean, c'mon your honor, it was just asking
to be stolen." Can you?
One of the 'things' that put me on the road that I eventually followed in becoming a police officer, bodyguard and self
protection teacher, is my own inherent 'distrust' and rebellion against what we'll call conventional wisdom. I can't tell
you how painful it has been for me to listen to law enforcement officials, lawyers, judges and even so-called self-defense
experts expressing either or both of these same beliefs. Especially in light of all of the evidence that's available.
Anyway, one day, several years ago, minding my own business, I find myself in a McDonald's restaurant. While enjoying lunch
with my wife and two children, I pick up on, what sounded like a evangelical presentation at some table across from where
we were sitting. This, coupled with the obvious discomfort displayed by the faces and bodies of the man and woman that were
the recipients of the message. At the time, I was a federal police officer with about six years of street experience under
my belt so disturbances like these were something that I naturally and instinctly tuned in on.
What I found when I looked was a small woman, roughly in her late twenties but no more than thirty, talking to a couple
at the next table. The look on the woman's face was no less than passionate and her tone was very direct - almost panicked.
But, not for herself, for the man's female companion. What I heard next, forever changed the way that I would talk about the
subjects of rape and women's self-defense.
You see, this woman, we'll call her Susan, had been the victim of rape. By the time I met her, Susan had recovered significantly
from what would be described today as post traumatic stress disorder - the traumatic mental and emotional aftermath of what
began as a physical attack on her body. Unlike most victims of rape though, Susan had taken it upon herself to tell every
woman - and man or men connected to her - her story, the lessons she had learned, most of all, to learn how to protect herself!
In fact Susan was on a crusade. She gave talks to schools, groups, and yes, even the impromptu presentations like the one
I was witnessing, in a McDonald's restaurant. And, she was very good at it. Because for Susan, it was personal.
I think that part of the reason for the discomfort in Susan's listeners was that Susan was talking about a subject that
is taboo, and especially with strangers. I mean, really, rape? That's sex, right? Yeah, sure, it's a crime, but it's a "sex"
crime - "sex" - you don't talk about that, right? But Susan did, and she was passionate about it.
Susan was passionate about it because this one incident, this one type of assault that's routinely trivialized and ignored
in our homes, in our schools, and, yes, in our courts, had shattered almost every belief that she had about the crime, who
it happens to and her own ability to cope with it.
She was looking at and talking to the man when I came into the conversation. "Do you love her?," she was asking him. "How
much?" "Of course," he said. "But it's my job to protect her." All the while his companion snuggled close to him, nodding
in agreement, but abviously avoiding the committed look in Susan's determined eyes.
"But, you can't protect her," was Susan's reply.
"Can't protect her?" The very words stab into a man's ego and the look on her target's face told me that this was a sensitive
issue and one that was not open for discussion. Because for him, and most men in general, protecting one's loved-ones is not
a possibility, it's a given.
But, Susan was unstoppable. "How much time are you with her in an average day?" was Susan's next question. "Do you work?
Does she? Because," continued this little woman with fire in her heart, "unless you're with her every day, all the time, you
can't even begin to say that."
Then, came Susan's personal story of trajedy in the face of what she had held to be true for her entire life. Everything
she had been taught: good girls don't have to worry about rape, only the pretty or promiscuous girls get raped, if it does
happen just give him what he wants and you'll be fine; every belief she could think of that supported her self-assurance that
'she' was not and never would be a target, was shattered and crushed by the reality she had never been taught and for many
women, never accepted.
She told the couple that, prior to her attacker's brutal assault, she too held the beliefs that she was hearing from them.
She told them that their answers were not unique. She heard them from just about everyone, everywhere she went. But, as Susan
found out, these answers where only providing a false sense of security - security that had at it's foundation not stone and
mortar, but toothpicks and glue. And, if her listener's did nothing to correct those beliefs, they would find themselves in
the same condition she was left in by her attacker - used, confused, and feeling empty and lost, with nowhere to hide.
As Susan's story went on, we find that the physical wounds from rape heal very quickly compared to the invisible scarring
that, like seeds waiting for Springtime, lies dormant under the surface - hidden from the world - until the right time. Because,
as Susan pointed out, what she didn't know about rape combined with what she didn't know about how her body would respond
to it, caused her more hurt and suffering in the long term than the actual physical act itself.
Susan told her listeners that, she did not resist her attacker. After all, he just wanted sex, right? It's just about the
sex. She did not resist, consciously. Well, not until he started beating her.
Susan's story shows the truth that rape is not a crime of sex, it's a crime of violence. I know you've heard this before.
It's the cornerstone of the whole rape-prevention educational system today and is at the forefront of programs given by rape
crisis centers in most places in the world. And, while this is not the truth in every case, especially in date rape and rape
involving college girls where the man really does want the sex and is willing to get it by force, in Susan's case, her assailant
didn't want sex for the pleasure of sex. No, to him, sex was a weapon to dominate, humiliate, and control a woman because
it attacks her at her very core. To a rapist, sex is a tool that, when used in this way, violates that one part of a woman's
body and her inner-self that she believes she has complete control of.
************************************ In part 2, you'll get a glimpse of the aftermath of Susan's experience, her discoveries
and eventual realization that both allowed her to recover and re-introduce the family members and other male friends she had
alienated back into her life. I hope you've been able to learn something from this story up to this point. To read part two
of Susan's story and find out how it changed me and my approach to teaching self-defense to both men and women, go here.
This article was posted on February 27, 2005
About The Author
Jeffrey M. Miller is the founder and master instructor of Warrior Concepts International. A senior teacher in the Japanese
warrior art of Ninjutsu, he specializes in teaching the ancient ways of self-protection and personal development lessons in
a way that is easily understood and put to use by modern Western students and corporate clients. Through their martial arts
training, his students and clients learn proven, time-tested lessons designed to help them create the life they've always
dreamed of living, and the skills necessary for protecting that life from anything that might threaten it. To learn more about
this and other subjects related to the martial arts, self-defense, personal development & self-improvement, visit his
website at www.warrior-concepts-online.com. For more information about womens self-defense issues, go to
aroseamongthorns2005@yahoo.com http:// www.warrior-concepts-online.com/womens-self-defense.html |
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