I remember the day I met me ex-husband. I was at the tennis court in the middle of summer. It was a clear and very hot day. The minute I looked into his eyes and he into mine, we were instantly attracted to each other.

Our relationship started off slowly. For the first four months we did not go out with each other. Our conversations mostly consisted of telephone conversations that we had with one another. Then one day he asked me out and I accepted.

He was nothing but a perfect gentleman. He wouldnt sit any where close to me. He wouldnt even kiss me. It took him another four months before he kissed me. I grew to trust him and it wasnt long before I grew to love him as well.

But as our relationship developed, I noticed something wasnt right. He drank some, and at first it didnt bother me. I just thought it was an occasional occurence. Something he did on a social level. But after a period of time the social drinking developed more and more into a habit. An uncontrollable habit.

I noticed that, at one point in our relationship, he was gentle and kind and I never feared him. But as the drinking escalated out of control, there were behavioral changes in him. He grew easily angered and irritated. He would cancel dates to hang out with his friends. Hed stay up all night and sleep all day. He worked at the time and had a good job working for a moving company. Despite the drinking, we moved in together. We were happy most of the time.

After we had been together for a few years, we decided to have a baby together. It took just a few months before I became pregnant with our first child. We were both excited and joyful over the coming birth. But as the first trimester ended and the second began, I was involved in a terrible bus accident. I was thrown down the isle of the bus and as I tried to catch myself on the back of a chair, I felt a pull in my abdomen and I immediately started losing the baby.

I called Bruce from the hospital to let him know what had happened. He had been at a friends house, who late committed suicide. Hed gotten drunk, and so high on cocaine, he said he couldnt even remember that I had called him to tell him what happened. He never made it to the hospital that night.

Even though things turned out bad that night, I stilled loved him and couldnt see living without him. He was very much a part of my life. I wanted everything to work out for us. So I gave him a second chance. It turned out to be the worst mistake of my life.

Alcohol had consumed his life, so much so that it no longer was enough for him. It affected every aspect of his life. It turned his world, and mine, upside down. Those things that once mattered to him, no longer did. He didnt care about working, or trying to help pay bills.

He started disappearing for days and weeks at a time. Id sit up many hours a night wondering where he was, or what he was doing, who he was with. Many times Id watch the news to see if theyd found an unnamed body in an alley somewhere.

What I eventually learned, was that he had turned from alcohol, to alcohol and drugs. Not just any drugs. All drugs. It didnt matter to him. He used cocaine, hed smoke methamphetamines. Anything he could get his hands on.

Eventually our relationship fell apart and Id beg him to get help. But he refused. He said, too many times, that he liked his life just the way it was.

It didnt take too long before the arguments started. I no longer trusted him. My love was quickly diminishing along with everything else. I no longer wanted to be intimate with him because I was afraid of transmission of aids and other sexually transmitted diseases.

But more often than not, he would not take no for an answer. So rape became a normal occurence for us. I remember how much I hated those times. The pain and torment, the feelings of guilt and shame. I hated myself more for allowing something like this to happen.

I tried to get him to leave many times, but he refused. He had everything he needed with me. A free place to sleep when he needed to recover from a hangover. Free food and a shower to wash away the week old stink of sweat and booze.

Many times our arguments became physical. I had to watch what I said to him and speak very carefully, otherwise he would knock me around the house. Many times I walked the streets at night because I was afraid to go home and face him.

Eventually I became pregnant again with our second child. I debated at first whether or not I should tell him. I fear for the safety of my child. But I knew I had to tell him. I could not keep something like that a secret.

I told him the same night. He was so far removed from reality. He told me he wouldnt be a good father and he wanted me to have an abortion. When I told him I couldnt do that, he decided to take things into his own hands. He threw me face down on the floor of our apartment and started kicking me all over. It was as if hed gone into a rage and had no idea what he was doing.

After a few minutes he froze and dropped to the ground sobbing. He kept saying over and over that he was sorry. I ended up in the hospital threatening to miscarry. He had damaged my kidneys and I had to be put on a strong antibiotic and complete bedrest for the next week or so.

The incident did nothing to change him. He still continued to drink and do his drugs. He never would accept responsibility for his child, nor did he care to support her financially. She came into the world with many health problems that would take nearly six years to overcome. I finally left him when my daughter was 11 months old. I did it for her safety, not mine. Otherwise I believe I would have stayed with him.

Drugs and alcohol destroy lives and families. They consume you, little by little, until there is no hope that you will every conquer your addiction. They can change a perfectly decent human being into a total stranger. Drugs and alcohol can cause a person to steal, lie, cheat, and can also cause depression and dangerous mood swings. People commit murder why under the influence of drugs. Alcoholics can kill other motorist and pedestrians when they drink and drive. They are suseptible to sexually transmitted diseases as well as liver disease.

You do not have to live this way. There is a way out. There are treatment centers and support groups all over the world. There are churches and people in the churches willing to lend a good hear and to teach you about the word of God. It is amazing what can happen when you believe in The Lord and call upon him to help you.

You will find in this website some helpful scriptures and some prayers to help you get through this difficult period in your life. Why not put your life in Gods hands and maybe you can find the miracle youve been looking for.